Take it from me – for every girl who’s conscious/supposed to be conscious about her age, there are ten guys worried about their weight. And it’s downright hilarious.
Huh… you don’t agree? Well, try it out for yourself, friends. And when I say friends here, I’m referring to friends of the fairer sex… hmm.. seri, let’s make that gentler sex… hmmm, maybe I’ll just safely say female gender (and stay out of controversies on this!!!). Anyway, all you have to do is select one of your male friends of, let’s say, average build. Actually, he can even be of less than average build, wouldn’t matter much.
In the middle of a totally unrelated conversation, punch him jokingly in his tummy (make sure you punch lightly cos you can never be sure about guys. They might just hit you back. And I don’t quite think it will be a pleasurable experience) and exclaim ‘Thoppai!!?!??!‘ with an expression that can display as much shock and disgust as you can fake. Now, stand back and watch him squirm. Even guys who are usually glib and talk non-stop nonsense will falter. ‘Thoppai ellam illa’, he’ll say feebly, sub-consciously trying to feel if he really has such an obvious tummy. Go on and say ‘Gym ku ellam pora nu sonna’ with a thoughtful look, and he’ll invariably respond, ‘illa… ippo konja naala poradhilla’ with an extremely pained expression.
And if you’re ever beaten in an argument (verbally, of course) by a guy and don’t know what to say, try ‘poda gunda’, with obvious emphasis on the ‘gunda’. That should be enough to silence most of them. If caught off-guard (as most of them are bound to be), guys are usually rendered speechless. Of all things on the planet, this one’s close to their heart and they will usually take a few moments to untangle their vocal chords, think of a reasonable retort and start refuting the charge. Responses vary. Some would try to prove with detailed statistics as to how their weight has gone down in the last few weeks/months/years. It might be tough not to, but then, it is not exactly appropriate to laugh out aloud as they rattle off their ways of fighting the evil. Instead, maintain the seriousness and say ‘Apdiya? Gym/jogging poriya enna? Patha weight koranja madhri theriyave illaye…’. If, however, they try to act clever and say, ‘illa… last one month la dhan 5 kgs eritten’, be sure you respond with ‘Apdiya enna? I thought you were always overweight…’ with a bewildered look. (How to carry on this conversation is left as an exercise to the reader.)Of course, you don’t need to wait for a special occasion to try this out. Feel free to spring this on the nearest guy anytime you’re bored in life. And be rest assured that the next few minutes will be absolutely entertaining.
A few words of advice before you go ahead with this, though –
1. Avoid the word fat. For some vague reason, guys resent the usage of this term. ‘Gunda’ might make them wince and squirm in discomfort, but ‘fatso’ can have undesirable and often, unpredictable results, ranging from calculated indifference to a raging desire to use nearby objects as missiles.
2. Guys trying these techniques on other guys just wouldn’t work. For yet another vague reason (actually it’s not vague at all), guys don’t care what other guys think. They take all the teasing in an exceedingly sporting manner. But the minute a girl jokingly says ‘gundaaa..’, well…. hmmm….
3. Don’t lose heart if some guys do not care (or pretend not to). They are exceptions. But then again, it doesn’t mean anything. They must be the guys who tried to lose a few pounds and were unsuccessful in their repeated attempts. So, just carry on with the next guy.
4. As mentioned earlier, responses usually vary from specimen to specimen. Hence, it’s best to be prepared.
Best of luck… and have fun!!
PS : This post is dedicated solely to Scudie, with prayers that he would succeed in the war he’s waging.
Disclaimer : This post is strictly meant for girls to try on guys. Guys, please don’t go about trying to punch girls. Adhanala yerpada koodiya vilaivuku sathyama naan porupilla!!!!
Author’s personal note : Although it’s fun while it lasts, it would be nice to end with a ‘summa dhan sonnen’. The simplest of reasons for this would be to give the poor souls a break. But I would prefer to do it for the bright smiles that instantly light up their faces, when you reveal that you were ‘only pulling their leg’. Maybe your friend is really a fatso, but explain that you were only teasing him and that you honestly don’t think he’s overweight and watch the relief and satisfaction on his face. It’s worth it, I tell you. 🙂